WHEN LADY LUCK RUNS OUT
BY ROSE M. OCT 1 1995 - STILL GOING STRONG
For most people, it's fun to buy a lottery ticket or play Lotto and fantasize about winning a nice big bundle of money. After all it's only a few dollars a week. But for people like Rose M. of Amherst, gambling became an addictive, progressive illness that cost her and her family their life savings and put them into a debt they probably will never get out of in their lifetime.
Rose M, had a love affair with gambling that began when she was very young.
As a little girl, she watched her parents and their friends play cards every Saturday night, using the money they bet to fund the evening's coffee and cold cuts.
As a teenager, she and her friends would get together and go to bingo, sometimes five nights a week. Then she began to bet the horses, putting her money on the ones with catchy names. They would play maybe eight dollars, her heart would start pounding. She lose and bet some more. She remembers one of her horses dropping dead on the track, and thinks maybe it was some kind of sign. But by then she was already hooked.
She began to play the numbers, betting the sames ones every night. It became so routine that clerks at certain stores kept her numbers right by the register and she would phone in to place her bet. It took about a half hour to punch in all her numbers. “I wanted to win the big one, but the big one never came,” she said.
Rose would tell her husband she was going to the corner store to pick up a gallon of milk. Often she returned home empty handed. She would tell her husband she just got to talking with people and forgot to buy the milk. She wanted to win. She pictured surprising her family and lavishing them with all kinds of gifts. She and her husband had been putting money aside for a long time. They had promised to take their grand children to Disney World. But Rose spent the money on gambling. Rose used to be a saver but in the throes of gambling,. Gambling was all she cared about. She said in her mind she was always thinking about when she could go and how she could get some more money to go.
Rose and her husband a traditional marriage he would give her his check each week and she would pay the bills and put the rest away. Sometimes, when her check was gone she would scramble around for bottles to turn in for a few dollars. She also made crafts and crocheted afghans to sell at shows. She would leave the craft show and stop to put in her numbers. She come home with no money and just tickets hidden in her pockets. So she began to withdraw a few dollars from the nest egg to gamble with. Soon it was all gone. She was gambling to cover her gambling debts, so even when I won, I lost she said. Rose would bet it all just to get more. She didn't know what happened she just couldn't stop. She was betting more and more and more everyday day borrowing on charge cards until they were maxed out.
She always gambled alone, so her problem remained a secret to family and friends. Sure they knew she enjoyed a good bet now and then , but had no idea how gambling and thoughts of gambling consumed her days and nights. But she couldn't quit she was too far in debt, and gambling was like a best friend, a way of life.
Finally her daughter began to worry that rose was spending to must time gambling and suggested Gamblers Anonymous. Rose was furious and told her daughter it's none of your business. They cant give me my money and so why bother she said. Her daughter wanted to help any way she can and got in contact with GamAnon. In turn lead her to Gamblers Anonymous meeting. Her daughter wanted her to go to the meeting. Her daughter said I love you mom. I want you to go. That touched her heart and Rose knew it was her time to make a change.
Rose attended a meeting in Kenmore. She walked in to find 16 other compulsive gamblers there; all men. Still, she listened to their stories and began to cry; their stories were hers.
She was a wreck sitting there and felt like the scum of the earth. She had it in her mind that she wasn't going to talk. But when it got to be her turn it all just came out all the things she had done. She had to get it out all she did was cry cry, cry. Continuing to cry for months.
Her new friends suggested that Rose tell her husband as the first step is to get control over her compulsive gambling. It took three weeks they were sitting at the kitchen table and the worlds would be on the tip of her tongue but couldn't do it. When she finally did break the news it looked like his whole body was drained.
Rose and her husband had plans to retire together to relax and enjoy time their their 4 grandchildren she says now she will never be able to afford to stop working. I cut his heart right out of him, he sticks by me but I don't think he will ever forgive me he's a good man but will never trust me again. Rose still battles with this temptation.
You cant even go into a store they got 15 different lottery tickets under glass. Theres the cardboard man lottery statue right there at the courtesy desk, telling you how much the lotto is up to. You try not to look that way, but you hear people saying; oh I won on a scratch off. Sometimes it gets to me. She learned that just as alcoholics, they can not take the first drink, compulsive gamblers can not make the first bet. They can not even buy a raffle ticket. Even with a raffle ticket I would goto bed praying; oh god, let me win this and will never bet again; but ended up betting the next day.
Rose was working full time and picking up extra jobs when she could find them. When she gets home from work, she would spend hours sitting at the kitchen table feeling heavy hearted and dispirited. One remedy she has found for her depression is to be friend other compulsive gamblers, calling the hotline several times a day to get the phone numbers of anyone who has called in for help. Rose never thought she could quit she knows there are millions of people out there that feel the same way a lot of times when they call they say the will be at a meeting and never come.
Rose has always taken this poem to heart.
She always reads it whenever a new person comes in to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting.
She also had multiple requests to read it at pinnings.
Another Chance
Fellow gambler, take my hand
I'm your friend, I understand
I've known your guilt, your shame, remorse
I've borne the burden of your cross
I've found a friend who offered ease
He suffered too, with the disease
Although he had no magic cure
He showed me how he could endure
We talked together, side by side
We spoke of things we had to hide
We told of sleepless nights and debts
Of broken homes and lies and threats
And so my weary gambler friend
Please take this hand that I extend
Take one more chance on something new
Another gambler helping you.
Rose has been an inspiration to the Western New York area groups.
Also taking requests for the singing of Amazing Grace!!!